thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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