Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
