so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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