But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
