he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
