Sry I called you an 8
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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