Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize