so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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