Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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