My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
being pregnant is like rehab
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
