Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
