Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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