Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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