Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
