she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
