Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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