There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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