fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
