You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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