Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
