I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
