just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
