2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
