I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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