I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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