I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
