i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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