I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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