I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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