We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
