now i know why i became what i already was.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
