and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
