it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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