You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
