The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
