You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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