Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
