Moan for me like Helen Keller
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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