a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the day after is always just damage control
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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