Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
