I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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