He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
