hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
