just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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