So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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