at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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