you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
