I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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