so explain again why im purple
no
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
