You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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