my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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