Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found puke in my bra..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
