i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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