i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
