i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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