Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
