he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
