omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
