Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hippo gnu deer
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
