clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
