i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
