You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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