Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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