Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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